Monday, September 17, 2007
I was sinking deep in sin
Far from the peaceful shore
Very deeply stained within
Sinking to rise no more
But the Master of the sea
Heard my despairing cry
From the waters lifted me
Now safe am I
Love lifted me
Love lifted me
When nothing else could help
Love lifted me
Man, my mom taught our Sunday class that song when I was younger and we all memorized it. Amazing how sometimes we learn gospel songs when we're little and they carry little or no meaning until we become older. As I typed the words to this song, my eyes became tearful and my heart full, so much so that I had to take a break and come back to it.
"I was sinking deep in sin"
Funny, when you're growing up, you find yourself saying "I'll never do such-and such" or "You'll never see me in this position in life" Amazing how those "nevers" turn into "I can't believe I did that!"
God is so merciful. When I look at where I should be as opposed to where I am, I realize how blessed I am. When I look at how blessed I am in comparison to others, it makes me feel that much worse regarding my sins.
"Very deeply stained within, sinking to rise no more"
In a previous post, I wrote about the times that we find ourselves so deep in sin that we are afraid and ashamed to call on God. Although He's already seen every little sin we've made and heard all the sinful thoughts we've had, we still avoid Him. Then we find ourselves in a huge mess and have messed up our relationship with God, and we feel lost and trapped.
"But the Master of the sea heard my despairing cry"
No matter how crazily we mess up, God still wants a relationship with us. He wants us to realize that we need Him. He wants us to humble ourselves and re-define our relationship with Him. We have to understand that while people may not be in the forgiving business, God is.
"From the waters lifted me, now safe am I"
God is in control. He can heal our relationship with Him. He can restore our faith with Him. He can fix the in-fixable. It's an awesome feeling to know that God is carrying you and looking out for you. There's nothing like knowing that you are walking in the will of God and that no matter what things seem like, He's preparing the way for you.
I'm sorry that I've been MIA lately. Been having computer issues and Joslyn issues. :) Thanks so much to those who left posts wondering about me, it means more than you'll know :)
I'm going to try and keep this updated more frequently!!!!
Wednesday, September 5, 2007
Have you ever gone to Jesus like our good friend, Humpty? After so many times of trying to take your situation in your own hands, you finally crack. Shamed face and a little nervous, you ask God to fix you. Waiting to hear that "I told you so" you lower your head in humbled shame only to realize that the "I told you so" is never said.
Have you ever messed up so bad that you actually AVOIDED praying to God because you just KNEW that you were wrong???
Uh, I've done that.
Actually, I do that a lot!!
When you think about it, it's so stupid! I mean, God saw all the stupid things you did, heard all the stupid things you thought about saying and watched you stray further and further away from Him. Yet, once you realize how stupid you've been, then you decide to ignore Him out of guilt!
The devil is a liar.
I mean, at one point he really had me convinced that there was no point in talking to God about my issues because I was just going to mess up again anyway!
We have to learn to recognize the subtleties of Satan. Seriously. He's a good one cause he tricks me all the time.
Our saving grace in Jesus is that we can come to Him at any time and for any reason. We may still suffer the consequences of our stupid actions, but thank God that it only lasts for a little while, and He restores the joy back in us.
I'm making baby steps in reconciling my relationship with God and let me tell ya, I rest so much easier at night.
"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." Psalms 147:3
Saturday, September 1, 2007
Look at her, she's beautiful. Her skin? Flawless. Her hair? Full and shiny.
If you could guess her ethnicity, what would you say? African American and Native American? African American and Cuban?
How about none of the above? She's not African American at all.....
Now, this post isn't about how American News media stereotypes how Africans (and Blacks, for that matter) are all the same. Although, believe me, that's something that makes my blood boil and a topic that I'd like to revisit in the future.
This topic is about me.
Ya see, I have extremely thick and very coarse hair. When I was younger, I didn't have a relaxer. Whenever it was time for my mother to do my hair, she's always save me until last because it was so thick and coarse. She'd frown at my hair in disgust whenever it was time to press my hair. Same thing happened whenever I went to the salon. "I'm going to have to charge you extra because your hair is like a jungle!!!"
Oh my God. I have bad hair.
Now, my mom and these hair stylists aren't bad people. They're just unaware of how to take care of Black hair properly. So, with the limited knowledge that they were given, they had to break down my hair with chemicals or pressing combs.
Get this: I used to actually ENVY the girls who could slick their hair back in this little tiny ponytail, and slick their thin edges down so smooth that you could see their scalp. How come my edges never got that smooth?
So when I got to high school I chopped it off. My once past my shoulders hair was now one inch short. Now, salon visits were a breeze and doing my hair in the morning took no time at all.
What's wrong with this picture?
When I got to college, I grew my hair back out. It's been varying between chin length and shoulder length ever since. I realized that if someone didn't like my long thick hair, that it was their problem, not mine. Recently, I visited a salon where a young Dominican woman did my hair for me, and she challenged the way I will think forever by asking me something so simple.
"Why do you wear a relaxer? Your natural texture is so beautiful."
Ya see, a lot of times we as Black woman are taught that our hair is bad because it doesn't lay down or operate like someone who isn't Black. So we spend all this time putting chemicals, grease, oil, and the biggest no no, direct heat on our heads to achieve the look that we desire.....self included.......
Ya know how Blacks are seemingly the last to know that we should be exercising, that we should be eating right, that we should go to the doctor frequently, that we should be saving money..etc...etc...well, hair care is no different.
There are natural products that will soften the curl pattern in your hair making your hair manageable and healthy. It seems like Birhan Weldu (The young woman pictured above) has that figured out already. How come Cosmetology schools only teach chemical or hair pressing to take care of textured hair?
Why do we hate our natural selves so much?
It's sad that it took a Dominican woman to tell me that my natural hair was beautiful. It's sad that it took a Dominican woman to give me tips to nurse my hair to natural health. It's sad that she could recognize something good about me that I couldn't....
I have good hair.