Saturday, August 11, 2007

Can't Replace Love.....Can I????

Whew!

It's been a long week! Between getting two blowouts on the freeway on the same day, playing volleyball (my newest love) and catching up at work, I've been busy! As a matter of fact, I think that I've been staying busy on purpose. See, if I'm busy, then I can't notice that my heart is still broken...

This'll work, right????

*Going to sign up for more weekly classes*

21 comments:

Andre said...

Jos,

Being in somewhat the same boat, I can't say that I can really respond objectively. All the same, I don't think "love" is something that we can replace with other...uh...stuff. Though everybody knows that I'd choose a few other things over love, I wouldn't choose them IN PLACE of love. There's a difference.

What I can tell you objectively is to not rest on your laurels and rely on 'distractions' to replace your need for love. Trust me when I say that most of the things you mentioned are distractions; temporary distractions. Most people can only lean on these things for so long before it loses its novelty. They can only go to school for so long. They can only spend so much of their day at work. They can only pick up recreational hobbies for so long. Others can accept a mate-less life and move forward.

Your job is to decide...nay...let God lead you in making the decision on which life you want.

HeiressChild said...

hi joslyn, i think it's ok to do other things to help fill time in our life, but if we're doing them to avoid dealing with any issues/problems we're facing, then we're going to keep experiencing an emptiness or a void in our life, and we really won't be able to move forward until we resolve the issue at hand.

it's ok to be still and deal with the problem at hand. sometimes we need to do just that. i think being busy just to be busy in order to avoid certain things isn't healthy. plus when we're so busy all of the time, we really can't hear from God because we're so tired. sometimes we have to be still and let God speak to us about the situation at hand and deal with it.

HeiressChild said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Andre said...

"when we're so busy all of the time, we really can't hear from God because we're so tired. sometimes we have to be still and let God speak to us about the situation at hand and deal with it."

Hmmm. Nice point, Sylvia...

HeiressChild said...

thank you andre.

Joslyn said...

@ Andre and Heiress: Okay, but how do I deal with the pain that comes along with being still and realizing how crappy I feel? Right now, I must admit that I'm a little numb to it, because I don't allow myself a lot of time to deal with it. But that pains a' coming.....

HeiressChild said...

hey joslyn, i think some pains are inevitable, and at least you realize it's coming up for you to deal with. when our heart gets hurt or broken, we will feel pain. we can do things to hold it off, like being busy, but eventually i think we just have to deal with the pain. that may entail crying, talking about it, counseling--just as some suggestions.

the worse thing that happened to me was when my husband died. i guess i was kind of numb too, but during the day i was with people, talked about him, etc., and it helped. at nite, when no one was around, it was hard, and the way i dealt with it was to cry. i probably did this for almost the whole first year.

i could have gotten counseling, but honestly, i didn't even think about that then. now i would counsel. i think i avoided dealing with his death by not dealing with it, and as a result, it took me years to get pass certain things and to deal with certain things.

of course, your situation is different, but a broken heart is a broken heart, and the only way to move on is to deal with it openly. talk about, even if to no one but God. i think what you're doing here, blogging about it, is good too. it gives you a chance to share and to hear other people's viewpoints.

so in essence, you have to decide how you'll deal with the pain, whether thru talking, crying, writing about it, counseling, whatever suits you. andre's last comment to you was to allow God to lead you..... one thing about talking with people, we can help a lot, but God can get deep down within the core of the hurt to heal you so you can move on and not take it with you into your future. that's what you really want--the deep down inner healing that comes only thru God.

don't be afraid to deal with the pain. pain hurts, but you want to deal with it. like having a broken arm or leg--you have to deal with the pain in order for the limb to heal. you wouldn't just leave it broken; you'd use crutches or whatever is needed to get better. we do the same thing--whatever is needed--for our mental/emotional/spiritual healing. i hope this helps you some more.

HeiressChild said...

also andre, God deals with me quietly, which is why i made that earlier comment. my mind has to be quiet, and that sometimes requires me to be still, and not so busy. just wanted to clarify a little more.

Andre said...

Jos, to kinda piggy back off of Sylvia (great testimony, by the way): I think that you'll agree with me in that when it comes to our hardships, God works both supernaturally (allowing a peace to fall on us that no man-made thing can) and through the world (therapists, for instance).

Truthfully, when I was dealing with my issues with "the face", a good blend of prayer and blogging was remarkably therapeutic. Even when people accused me of being whiny and bitchy, using my platform to vent and 'let it all out' did some good. Am I completely over my situation? Of course not. But can I deal with it without becoming a basketcase in the process? Absolutely!

I think you know the answer to your question already. You're just trying to get validation from everybody else.

Joslyn said...

Heiress,

What a wonderful and emotional testimony. I read it at least twice before responding. I appreciate you revealing that much about yourself, and I thank you for allowing you testimony to be a help to others.

Heiress and Andre: I guess I feel like becoming depressed is inevitable, so I can gain 10 pounds being depressed, or, I can lose 10 pounds and gain a whole lotta knowledge being depressed.

Thuth is, I really don't know HOW to deal with it. Heiress, wheat you said struck a chord with me:

"plus when we're so busy all of the time, we really can't hear from God because we're so tired. sometimes we have to be still and let God speak to us about the situation at hand and deal with it."

In looking back, God deals with me the same way. I'm going to create time for God and God alone, and will seek to hear His response. Thanks guys!

P.S. Andre, I wasn't looking for validation, it made sense to me to keep myself busy instead of wallowing in sorrow.

:)

HeiressChild said...

i hope you feel better from what you're going thru real soon joslyn. i'll keep you in my prayers.

The H.C. said...

Hey Joslyn,
You know, when I was at my lowest, drug addicted and homeless, I went out and got 3 different jobs so I wouldn't have time to screw-up. Guess what. It did work...and I payed off all my debts. I know it's a different thing, but the point is; sometimes keeping our mind too busy can help.
P.S. I love your new site, best of luck!

Anonymous said...

I DISAGREE that keeping your mind TOO busy can help. It is a different thing.

Andre said...

Actually, I DON'T disagree with HC. I think he's on to something. An active mind and an active life can provide a much needed buffer to combat feelings of lonliness. From my experience, sitting around all day doing nothing is most likely to make you susceptible to being lonely. Oppositely, keeping yourself busy doesn't leave much time to even think about how alone you feel.

HeiressChild said...

being active and being too busy are two different things though. originally, joslyn was saying she was keeping busy to avoid dealing with something that she knew eventually she'd have to deal with.

i was never telling joslyn not to be busy, just that to be busy with things to distract or avoid dealing with the situation at hand would work for a bit, but eventually she'd have to deal with it.

H.C. is saying he was busy to keep from messing up. that's a good busy. andre said that being busy can help to combat loneliness. that's a good busy. being busy to avoid dealing with something may work for a while, but then you'll eventually still have to deal with the situation, which in this case i thought joslyn was talking about pain/heartbreak. as long as we leave room for God in whatever we do....

that was good advice you gave joslyn on august 15th at 3:40 am (wow, do you sleep?) andre.

HeiressChild said...

oh, i see it's a 3 hr time difference between where you all are and where i am.

Joslyn said...

Wow!

First off, let me apologoze for the lateness in my response, I've been handling personal issues. Actually, I thank everyone for their responses to my issue. Let's see:

Heiress: First off, thanks for your prayers. I've been praying, too and although I haven't reached a final resolution, I feel a little better.

Andre: First off, I'm altering your response because I don't call my friends out. Two of the people that you tried to disguise in mentioning, read your response and called me and asked me why you're mentioning them. (Actually one called, one emailed, but you get the point)

So please, no obvious references.

And yes, Andre, ALL of your references are obvious.

Secondly, Uh, maybe you misunderstood. I have a life and lots of activities. I have PLENTY to do and PLENTY to keep me busy. The problem was arising that I was involving myself in these activities to avoid facing hurt. I do aprreciate what you're saying though. Honestly, I'm passed the point of looking at others relationships and feeling sad or jealous. I like my singleness. :) I just gotta get over this liiiiitlle hill and I'm okay.

HC: YEEEESSSSSSSSSSS!!! You've blessed my page!

See, my logic was like yours: Keep busy to avoid something. The difference was that you're keeping busy to avoid doing something "BAD" and I'm keeping busy to avoid something necessary.

:(


Anonymous: Yeah, there's a such thing as being too busy.

All in all folks, I'm dealing with it....starting today.

I don't like it...but I'm dealing...

DnotraA said...

Hello Joslyn, I figured it out!
Technolgy is so amazing!

I love your Site and what a great picture!

I do understand and can truly relate to your feelings, and you know what, "IT'S OK" I've been there and done most of that a few times. But each time the fall is a little lighter. We are such sincere honest loving people, and when we Love, we Love hard with all our soul and might.

We have to stop giving so much of ourselves and wait patiently for God to give us what He would have for us. One thing I have learned the hard way is that I can't make some one love me, but I can love myself.

No Joslyn, I can't say that we can Replace Love....But we sure can GET OVER IT!

Nothing comes in this world but what God allows, but when WE place ourselves in certain situations that's not what He would have for us, the consequences are sometimees greater than we would like.

You Be Encouraged my cousin
You may never Replace that One......But you sure
CAN GET OVER IT!

Anonymous said...

Hey Jos.
First off - all of the advice you were/are getting is great, and I agree with all of them. It is going to take time for you to heal. Each person is different and each person handles their problems in a different manner. What worked for this person, may not work for you - you will have to discover your own path. This is just a stumbling block that you have to overcome. Once you overcome that, you move on to the next. None of our lives are going to be perfect, we shouldn't expect it to be. We just go on. You have to be able to replace what you feel you lost in what ever means you can. 1-3-5-10 years from now, you are going to look and this and laugh and say "I can't believe..."
You feel off your bike - you got up, wiped off your clothes, looked at your wounds and figure it will heal, and got right back up on that bike and rode on.

Love you girl
Lisa

Anonymous said...

Jos,

Lisa is as in Roosevelt's daughter

Anonymous said...

Okay, Jos. One comment you made was that you didn't know how to deal with it - right? The best way you can deal with anything - especailly being a Christian young lady, is to let go and let God. You know that he takes us through our own storms to make us stronger for what is ahead of us. We can beat ourselves up trying to figure out "why?" Why not?.
Write it down...pros and cons. Write what this man "DID FOR YOU" and then write down all the things he did not and compare. Did he keep you happy or did he bring you pain and sorry. Girl, I can go on and on - on things a man NEED to do for you and he don't. It hurts like all get out right now...but in the end, you will look back on this and think "I can't believe I gained 20 lbs thinking about the stuff he did to me or didn't do"

PS THis is your older cousin and I really want to say some things you could do - but I will respect your website - so if you really want to talk - you know how to get in touch with me...and not it is not violent or harm anyone...its just ways to get over a man that has hurt you!!! Plus I don't know how to set myself up with out being the anonymous! :)

Roosevelts child